Below are a ton of puns by Ken Chase from back in the days when I worked with him. I had built a little site for Ken to post the puns, which he did for a bit. Below is what had been posted. I’m cleaning up my web server and didn’t just want to delete the db into digital non-existence so I figured Big Brother Facebook would be a great place to share these little treasures. In addition I have posted them here. Ken can be followed on twitter here http://twitter.com/#!/ChaseThePun
2004-07-23, In the news the other day, a tractor-trailer loaded with brand-new file folders was hijacked. Later the same day, a truck carrying boxes of Post-its was stolen. Authorities are still investigating, but they believe the robberies were the work of organized crime.
2004-07-23, Joan of Arc didn’t quit; she was fired.
2004-07-22, “What does a polar bear do?” “I don’t know. I guess he sits on the ice.” “Sits on the ice?” “Yes, there is nothing else to sit on.” “What else does he do?” “He eats fish.” “Sits on the ice and eats fish? Then I won’t accept.” “What do you mean, you won’t accept?” “I won’t accept. I was invited to be a polar bear at a funeral.”
2004-07-22, When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience, “And the Americans, they are so friendly!” he concluded. “Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, ‘Jose, can you see?'”
2004-07-21, I’d make a pun digest but could you stomach it?
2004-07-07, A man is in the hospital after getting drunk and swallowing 120 coins on a bet… doctors monitoring his condition say so far no change…
2004-07-07, Why did the cowboy buy a dachsund??? Someone told him to get a long little doggy.
2004-07-01, I had to kill some time so I stabbed a clock…
2004-07-01, The phone company offered me work but I refused to work a phony job…
2004-06-30, Heard the joke about the sidewalk? Its all over town!
2004-06-30, Did ya hear the joke about the 3 holes in the ground? Well Well Well!
2004-06-29, Did you hear about the sick bucket? It looked really pail….
2004-06-29, The Other day I saw a stationary store move!
2004-06-29, Heard the joke about the bed? It hasn’t been made yet!
2004-06-15, The guy at the flourescent marker company had many HIGHLIGHTS in his day…
2004-06-15, The guy that worked at Kodak was nearing retirement, though he could never PICTURE not working there.
2004-06-10, I needed a nap after visiting the IRS becuase the trip was extremely TAXING…
2004-06-10, I couldnt buy anything at the perfume counter becuase I didnt have a (s)cent.
2004-06-09, They must not drug test the Airline Pilots since they are always HIGH… hey now dont get mad and give me an altitude!
2004-06-09, If the refrigerator fails at the deli do they serve warm cuts?
2004-05-28, There was a lot of Irony at the cleaners today…
2004-05-28, The Female video store clerk wanted to record her boyfriends proposal, but she found out he was just a player…
2004-05-21, Guy #1 “Man people were tense today at the Chiropractor!” Guy #2 “Why would you say that?” Guy #1 “There was an awful lot of Posturing!” Guy #2 “And whose side did you back?” Guy #1 “Neither, but the Chiropractor straightened them out!”
2004-05-23, Those dudes down at the bakery are so dedicated! they are such Dough Nuts! hahha I am on a roll now!
2004-05-22, When stray dogs are taken away… do they serve them Pound cake?
2004-05-24, I went for a tour of the cosmetics factory the other day… but I was dissapointed to find out that everything was just made up! Doh! Did that make you blush? do you wish my lips would stick? admit it you just cant stand all my quik Eye Liners!
2004-05-25, They interupted the court case cuz the Judge really had to Plea!
2004-05-25, Don’t forget your bug spray during the Democratic national convention! you don’t want to get bitten by any Poli-Ticks! Am I Bugging you?
2004-05-26, There was so much dribbling at the basketball game, they had to mop the floor!
2004-05-26, The fisherman ran away from my bad jokes cuz he REELY didn’t wanna hear any more of my LINE!
2004-05-27, There were so many bugs in this guys apartment you could hear them crawling! But the guy said he didnt mind cuz he loves to listen to the Beatles…
2004-05-27, The salesman at the Lamp store was very shady! but the sales girl had a bulbous butt! it made me light headed!
2004-09-02, I crossed a dog with a hen. Got pooched eggs.
2004-09-02, Are dog biscuits made from collie flour?
2004-10-15, A bunch of Inmates escaped when a Cement truck crashed into a prison! Authorities are searching for 46 HARDENED criminals!
2004-10-16, I went to plumbing school but couldnt take it! I felt flush and got a sink-ing feeling right away!
2004-10-17, I helped my friend relocate the other day… it was a MOVING experience